Prayer time has become more than my time to sit and talk to the Father. It’s reached a pinnacle – a place where I feel lost and alone without. The Father has become such a good friend that I find I miss Him when I am doing other projects.
Recently, I have found it very difficult to pray for myself. It’s a bit awkward and feels somewhat selfish. There have been moments when my heart has felt sad and alone, troubled and I had no idea how to ask God for what I needed. When He moves into our lives He takes the situations that happen to us and uses those things to shape and refine us. So when Romans mentions all things working to the good of those who love the Lord, it doesn’t necessarily mean everything is good. It means God uses the events of our lives to His good. I think that good referred there, is our spiritual aspects.
There are times when life bogs us down spiritually and when that happens we never really know how to ask God to help us. Our cries feel selfish or unwarranted – maybe they seem whinny. Rather than ask –we clam up and fail to lay the sadness before the one who can change it. The Father already knows our needs and our insecurities. He waits for us to acknowledge them and that means searching our hearts deeply enough to find those issues and lay them before Him. He cannot and many times does not work in us until we recognize and are willing to lay our needs before Him.
It’s a painful process at times. Even when our lives are overall joyful, none of us are perfect. Below the surface lies the sin we know is there but many times choose to ignore. My heart grows sad when I dig into these parts. A dear friend put it beautifully, “Sometimes you have to pick the scabs of old wounds and let them bleed before God can clean up the mess,” and how true is that? Completely accurate.
I said to God just the other day, “I don’t know what to ask Father.”
“Ask for what you need.”
“It sounds selfish and wrong.”
“Let me be the judge of that. That’s not your place.”
“But I feel wrong asking for myself.”
“You are never wrong to ask. This is how I work in you to repair the damages. If you don’t ask, then you aren’t willing.”
“Oh, I get it. So, You’re saying that if I don’t ask I’m not to the spot you want me.”
“Kinda. It’s a matter of submission. You don’t have to pinpoint the exact need, because sometimes even you don’t know how to articulate that. But I do. You simply need to say, ‘Father there’s something there. I need help. I need to understand,’ and then I take care of the rest.”
“So I should ask anyway?”
“Most definitely. Ask even when you don’t know what to ask for, and I will fill in the blanks. Remember, seek me and you will find me.”
So, the Father makes a good point. When I don’t know how to pray, I simply pray anyway. I just ask and admit that I’m not sure. When I seek him and ask – He finds me.