Monday, July 20, 2009
"Then He went down and talked with the woman, and he liked her."
Listen to What’s Not to Like?
He went. He saw. He liked. Yes, this pretty much describes the way men pick-up women.
Oh, I know, you'd like to think that we men are a little more discerning, that we want to know you as a person or at least if you can speak in complete sentences. But this is not important for men. Not at first anyway.
Let's say there's a guy, who we'll call Elmer, and he's out with some guy friends. Across the room is a voluptuous blonde in a short skirt wearing a spandex tube top that's stretched way beyond the fabric's tensile strength. Her name is Tina. Tina's skin is baked a golden brown from repetitive trips to a tanning salon and her naturally brown hair is bleached the color of honey.
Sitting next to Tina is her best friend, Hilda. Hilda is wearing a one-piece jumper that appears to be made from an old army tent. Her face, in color and texture, looks like the surface of the moon, and on her head appears to be a hat made from a very large rodent. Perhaps a rodent or a Canadian Hockey player. On closer inspection Elmer realizes this is Hilda's hair.
Now who do you think Elmer is going to ask out? This question is for you women. We men already know the answer.
It doesn't matter that Hilda is a nuclear physicist with a degree in advance molecular quantum physics, and has in fact walked on the surface of the moon. She could be the Head of the United Nations, and have actually developed an alternative fuel from Styrofoam packing peanuts. It doesn't matter to Elmer.
That's because later that evening, while sitting on the sofa in his tiny apartment, Elmer will fantasize about how Tina almost said "yes" and would have, except the words "drop dead" came out of her mouth first. He'll also picture them frolicking in a hot tub together. This is unfortunate because at the same time Elmer is thinking about a girl he'll never date, Hilda will be sitting in her small apartment thinking that Elmer is really cute.
If he'd have just said hello, given me a chance, she'll say while eating Cheese Whiz straight from the can, he'd see my inner beauty.
In a perfect world, Elmer and Hilda would met, date, marry, and raise a litter of hairy hockey playing girls. But life isn't fair. It's fractured by sin.
Men look at the outside, rarely seeing the heart of a woman the way God does. Perhaps if men took the time to talk more and lust less we'd find the inner beauty buried beneath the Cheese Whiz. It worked for Samson, Abraham, and Jacob. Maybe it will work for you, too, mister.