I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. –Romans 7:15,16
Sometimes I read a scripture and I wonder if people sitting around me see the giant question mark that’s floating over my head. I re-read. Still blank. Re-read again, and scratch my head, then usually skip past to the next verse.
I imagine the apostle Paul was a passionate minister of the word, but I sometimes wonder if I’m just slow or if he really makes sense? Well, he does make sense, but occasionally I have to backtrack and ponder his thoughts.
I was searching for a scripture yesterday when I ran upon the “I do” verses. Reading the verse once; there was the question mark –looming over my head. Following a second pass-by I began to chuckle. My next option was reading out loud. Disaster. All the I do’s began to sound like a frightened bride. Laughter hit and then silliness and I thought to myself, Will God think I’m being disrespectful? That led to reading the verses a third time and the thoughts becoming innately funnier.
You see, I believe God speaks to us frequently, we just don’t pay attention. Today was my day for Him to speak. The best part is, He knew from the moment I opened my Bible that I needed clarification, not just on scripture but on a few life issues. Therefore, he gave me the “I do” verses. In the midst of my confusion reading them, I was forced to break the verses down phrase by phrase. I found out, funny as it may have been, that we all suffer confusion at times. We think we got the instructions right, but when we begin apply them–they go to jumble.
My plate has been too full in the last few months and frankly, it’s catching up with me. I know God has been nudging me to turn loose of some of the “stuff” but it’s hard. It’s just easier to do things myself and know they’re done. However, I realized when I had difficulty sending a simple file via email, that I needed to understand the I Do’s. So, I read the scripture for a third time. “I do NOT understand what I do.” I got that part. “For what I WANT to do, I DON’T.” Alright, I paraphrased just a bit, but I get it now. “but what I hate – I do.” Oh, now I get it. Suddenly it became crystal clear as God spoke to my heart. He said, “Why do you do too much? You don’t want to, but you do it anyway. And when you get to much going, you hate the things you once loved. When are you going to listen to me?”
Well, shucks. When the God makes sense, He really makes sense. The things I love to do are becoming a chore because I can’t spend the time applying myself to what is important. And to think, it took several I do’s to figure it out.
This morning I read my meditation and said, “Okay God, I get it. I’m a little on the slow side, but I get it. Really “I do.” Sometimes God simply has to break it down into a series of I do’s for us to figure out. He uses the things that draw the cartoon question mark over our heads. Unfortunately, most of the time we read them once and mark it down as confusion, never to return there again for clarification. However, if we stop and ponder the I do’s, God opens our hearts to a greater understanding. I understand now, really, I do!
Prayer: Lord, we are sometimes blinded by the obvious, unwilling to hear You speak and even less willing to listen. Forgive us when we fall away from direction and gently nudge us back.